Ellen is 4 weeks old! While the hospital stay after the c-section feels like ages ago, I cannot believe a month has already gone by with Ellen "on the outside." It has been a month of continuous learning and little sleep. While Christmas is less than 2 weeks away, it just doesn't feel like holiday time to me and I have done little besides take care of and dote upon my sweet baby. We did manage to put the tree up, but I didn't bring down any other decorations, have not shopped, and have barely managed to bake a cookie. (My mom and I finally remedied this yesterday.)
My first trip out without Ellen was to the grocery store. B watched her and it was so bizarre to be at Heinen's without Ellen with me in some way. However, it did make me feel a part of the human race again. Much like showers do these days. As a family, we went to Target for our first outing in the stroller. Ellie behaved like a champ. She's pretty good with constant motion.
We have gone through some new mommy trials... breaking down when I couldn't figure out how to ease her gas pains or make her stop crying. Feeling hopeless when trying to nurse her only somewhat successfully at 3 in the morning with a low blood sugar, and then having to pump afterwards and change her. There have been many 2 hour "feedings" which involve the actual feeding, and then the circus acts of trying to get her down afterwards.
There have been calls and trips to lactation consultants and a breastfeeding medicine physician. Nursing is supposed to be natural, right? Maybe for baby, but not for this mommy. There has been a steep learning curve about what my body does and how to help her respond. Latching has been hit or miss, but much improved as of late. Oversupply issues have had her drowning in milk, but we are learning how to help that. I have finally used the electric pump so that's not so intimidating anymore, and B can feed her at night sometimes with milk I pump during the day. Extra goes in the freezer, though I can't seem to store it as fast as I'd like. This child eats like a champ. When she feeds from a bottle, she's eating 4 ounces at a time. She's up to 11 pounds!
It's difficult to predict what my blood sugar will do after feeding her or pumping...sometimes it's stable and sometimes an hour or two later it's crashing. I have gone through more juice boxes and boxes of raisins than I did in my first trimester of pregnancy! I have not had a hot cup of coffee in 3 weeks. I have had to cut dairy out of my diet due to a supposed milk allergy. Some nights after getting up 3 times to nurse I think I cannot physically keep doing this. But after she eats and we nap again in the morning and I see her beautiful face, I am in a better frame of mind.
The truth is, she still amazes me. Her tiny body and features growing so fast, her beautiful blue eyes, her little cooes and cries that we are slowly figuring out. The way her quivering lip and furrowed brow can pull at my heart strings and make me think of nothing else but comforting her. The way her little fingers curl around mine, the smell of her... after she has been napping for awhile, I miss touching her and cuddling her. I can't imagine life without her now. My perfect daughter.
Even if we don't have tons of decorations, or cookies baked, or presents wrapped, we will have the merriest Christmas of all. She is all we need. The opportunity to know a parent's love is all we could ask for, and we have been blessed with that. Merry Christmas!
No comments:
Post a Comment